I sit here in my bed at midnight, with my now scentless essential oil diffuser quietly gurgling on as my sole companion, trying to write a blog post after a little over a two-week long hiatus, and I am struggling.
All those habit experts are right — you gotta keep doing something for quite a while (about 21 days, they say) to stay on the wagon. And if you fall off the wagon anywhere during this habit-forming time frame you’re gonna have a hard time coming back around.
But here I am, back again. I made a promise to myself and I am going to keep at it for as long as I need it.
I set out on this blogging journey to reawaken my creative side that has been dormant for far too long, pushed away in favor of other priorities.
Yet I needed the break — as I keep telling anyone who will listen it’s A-OKAY to take a break from anything you’re doing (we all seem to need this reminder more and more — perhaps a separate discussion, a different post).
At present, I am in a state of transition, moving out of one phase in my life and into another.
- I am transitioning from one professional role and soon into a new one.
- I am transitioning from a longtime home to a more temporary one.
- I am transitioning out of a highly present and supportive friend group and hopefully into another (while still trying to figure out how to keep aforementioned supportive friend group forever).
- I have already transitioned out of a couple volunteer roles and am still trying to figure out what to transition into next.
- And I seem to be transitioning in and out of fitness goals on a daily basis.
As you can see, I am juggling a variety of transitions at once and because of all this juggling I determined that a break was in order. My mind was getting so cloudy and heavy, weighed down by the decision-making, next steps, and planning.
It has felt like someone took some mushy gray clouds out of the sky and stuffed them into my already filled head and plopped me back down, leaving me to flop over sideways like a stuffed animal whose head is too big for its body.
“It’s all too much!” I wanted to scream, but didn’t.
Instead I retreated, kept silent, vented, did some of my usual things, stopped (temporarily) doing other things, got angry, got sad, got happy, got excited, but mainly waited in a state of blahness — not completely unhappy but also not really all that happy.
On top of all that I felt guilty. Guilty for taking a break (how silly!). So then I felt more blah and whatever about everything, lacking motivation in some areas (why wake up? What is this alarm clock?) but not in others (gotta get to my 10K step Fitbit goal!).
So I’ve decided to surrender, quiet my “feeling guilty” thoughts and just accept that this is my life now — that I am living in a state of transition. It is a place I know I must travel along for a little while until I am redirected to my next steps.
This transitional area sure isn’t a fun place to be — but then again no one said it would be. There isn’t a manual for transitional life stages (would be nice though, wouldn’t it?!). And I have no solutions for you, if you too, who happen to be reading this, are traversing this same cloudy path.
But I don’t need solutions now — and neither do you.
This spot we’re in is not a place for solutions — it’s simply a path from A to B or B to C or C to Z (if you’re rocking those major life jumps).
It’s a place to keep moving, but also to stand still, to take time and to reflect or just to take a break and catch up on your favorite shows. You’ve been taking care of yourself for a while now and so you know what’s best for you — so do that.
Take your break. Live in your transition. Hang on through your transition.
Know that once you come out on the other side of where you’re going you’ll have changed — and you’ll be stronger.
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Feature photo credit: Lake Love / KP Original